Shaquille O’Neal may be most famous for his five championship rings, his backboard shattering dunks and his incredible big-man agility. But Shaq Daddy has also kept himself busy off the court; and from 1993 to 1998, he tried his hand at being a rapper. Dropping four albums (more than some guys put out their entire careers) in that time span, Shaq appeared on tracks featuring legends like Ice Cube, Mobb Deep and The Notorious B.I.G.
Unfortunately, Shaq’s gift of gab didn’t quite translate through the microphone. STACK combed through Shaq Diesel’s entire discography to bring you his 10 worst rap lyrics.
Song: DJ Kay Slay’s “Can’t Stop the Reign”
Line: “I got a Phantom the same color as butter/When I ride by ****** be like ‘I can’t believe it’s butter’”
Aside from Shaq rhyming “butter” with “butter,” wouldn’t it make more sense for that last line to be “I can’t believe it’s not butter”? Since, you know, it’s a car?
Song: “Real Men of Steel”
Line: “No matter what I do, the billy it’s gone flourish/Big just like a bus full of Japanese tourists”
Japanese people aren’t the only ones who enjoy tourism, Shaq.
Song: “What’s Up Doc?”
Line: “In other words you better make a funky decision/Because I’ma be a Shaq knife and cut you with precision”
What is a Shaq knife? Did he come out with a line of knives that no heard about? Or does he possess some superpower that allows him to turn a body part into an inanimate object whenever he feels like it?
Song: “(I Know I Got) Skillz”
Line: “I got a hand that’ll rock ya cradle/Cream you like cheese, spread you on my bagel”
If this was supposed to be an insult, being spread over a bagel like cream cheese doesn’t invoke much embarrassment. It just sounds kind of tasty.
Song: “Pool Jam”
Line: “Don’t worry pops I got your daughter/I’ll bring her home in one piece even though she came in a two-piece”
On a scale of 1 to clever, this line is stuck at zero. It also must be very reassuring to any father who is letting his daughter hang out with Shaq to know that she will be coming back in “one piece.”
Song: “You Can’t Stop The Reign”
Line: “The new edition, this is the end of your last night/In the daytime you couldn’t see me with a flashlight”
Not sure if Shaq realizes there is this thing called the sun that illuminates the whole planet. It’s kind of like a permanent flashlight. And who uses a flashlight in the daytime anyway?
Song: “Blaq Superman”
Line: “Timber the room I need space give me mad room/Blowin’ up the spot like you blow up a bathroom”
First it was the bagel line, now Shaq is comparing his rhyme skills to a person using the toilet. Perhaps he doesn’t fully grasp the concept of a simile?
Song: “(I Know I Got) Skillz”
Line: “You better than Shaq-tack, fool, shut up liar/I lean on the Statue of Liberty when I get tired”
In response, Dikembe Mutumbo could be heard saying, “Cool, Shaq. I lean against Empire State Building when I’m out of breath. What now?”
Song: Freestyle
Line: “I love ’em/I don’t leave ’em/I got a vasectomy, now I can’t breed ’em”
Just entirely too much information from Shaq here. On the plus side, at least Shaq’s plan to take over the world with an army of his 7-foot children is no longer feasible.
Song: “(I Know I Got) Skillz”
Line: “Shaq’s a smooth baller/(Yeah, but what about rhymin’?)/I can hold my own/Knick-knack Shaq-attack give a dog a bone”
There is nothing better in the world than Shaq responding to someone skeptical of his rapping ability with “Knick-knack Shaq-attack give a dog a bone.” That’ll convince ’em!
Have a favorite Shaq line that we left out? Drop it in the comments below.